reflections

I met Arlene Bjork in the summer of 2008. My meeting her coincided with the beginning of my yoga teacher training and I remember thinking, wow. I want to be like her. The first time I laid eyes on her she was doing the splits up a wall as a warm up for the class she was about to teach. Her asana practice was nothing short of amazing. People throw the word amazing around all the time, but I really mean it. She was the first person I ever saw go into a scorpion forearm balance and it seemed physically impossible. I hadn't even known a pose like that existed before. I was just in complete awe of her practice and her confidence as a teacher. Through her, I discovered Jivamukti Yoga. A native New Yorker herself, she was good friends with Julie Kirkpatrick and Jules Febre (rockstar Jivamukti teachers in NYC) so she brought them down to teach at her studio in Richmond. Julie and Jules are mother and son and their teachings blew me away. They taught me my favorite Sanskrit chant, which I now have tattooed on me, and inspired me to be a strong and powerful, yet graceful and compassionate teacher. The following month, I traveled to New York City and skipped a dinner out with the girls to meander my way through the city and take a class with Jules. It was his birthday. Class was packed. Julie was there too giving an in class private. Afterward, the class presented Jules with a vegan birthday cake (Jivamukti is big into the vegan lifestyle). He was so young, yet knew so much as he had been brought up in the yogic tradition. He was utterly adored by his students and rightfully so. I thought, how could I ever be this good? When he and Julie visited Richmond, they told us that when they first met Arlene her hips were so tight that she looked like she was making a phone call when she sat in baddha konasana. I was shocked, I guess I just thought she came out of the womb in lotus pose or something. I remember thinking that I would never be as good at yoga as any my teachers. I also remember thinking that once I could do a scorpion forearm balance like Arlene, I'd be a true yogi. How silly, right? What a naive, young little thing I was. But I thought it. I also thought that teachers and yogis of this caliber must just walk around feeling like a total badass all the time. How could you possibly have a bad day if you can balance on your hands or stand on your head? I really felt this way. Let me also remind you that I was 22 and living in Richmond, VA. At the time, there was not much of a yoga community there. Arlene was our resident rockstar yogi and I had not even one friend (other than one of my teachers who befriended me and took me under her wing) who practiced yoga. Yoga was much less popular then, even though it was only 5 years ago. It has since exploded, maybe you've noticed? ;)

Fast forward five years. I now live in Portland, OR and hit the ground (or the mat, rather!) running as soon as I completed my 200 hours of teacher training. I haven't been keeping track, but I can say with confidence that in my five years I have accumulated at least 1,000 hours of experience teaching, not to mention the hours I've put into my personal practice. My 22 year old self would look at my 27 year old self like she looked at Arlene Bjork. Okay, maybe not that much, I still can't do a scorpion forearm stand without a wall, but basically, here's what I'm trying to say. I am grateful to all of my teachers, GOD am I grateful for all of my teachers. I am grateful to everyone who has inspired and pushed me to be better, kinder, more compassionate, stronger, gentler, more flexible (both in body and in mind) and tougher. I am grateful for all the many times I've experienced failure and discomfort, either mentally or physically in my practice or my teaching career. Theses people and these experiences have molded me into the teacher and woman I am right now. Whew- felt like I needed to say that before anything else. What I really want to tell you is that while I can make some pretty impressive shapes with my body, I still don't walk around feeling like a total badass all the time. I still have bad days. Sure, sometimes I do feel pretty rad, and I have plenty of good days, great days even! But I equate those feelings to my overall practice as a whole, not just the physical aspect of it. I now realize that all I've done is scratch the surface of what yoga is all about. There are countless postures that are still out of reach for me, but who cares? That's only a sliver of what yoga's about. I try with all my heart and soul to follow all the 8 limbs of yoga as best I can. I strive to be a good human being who contributes to this planet and serves others. I will say that I feel stronger, more confident and empowered because of my physical yoga practice, but it doesn't make or break me as a person. 

Sadly, Arlene passed away on October 31st, 2009. I still think of her often, especially when I tell my students to stay encouraged, as she would so sweetly remind us all the time, or when I have them hold plank for way longer than they even think is within their realm of capability. 

It is my hope that I inspire others the way Arlene, Julie, Jules and all my other phenomenal teachers of the past and present continue to inspire me. If you are a new teacher reading this, please stay true to your authentic self. Be inspired all you want, but don't strive to be like another teacher. Instead, strive to be the truest and most pure version of yourself. What could be better than that?