thursday

Tuesday evening, after not having left the house for days due to illness, I decided to venture out and take a yoga class. I had one of those really strong practices that gave me a renewed sense of passion for my practice, and when class was over I found myself wanting more, so I signed up for a month of unlimited yoga at a studio near my apartment and immediately took a class. My energy was so high after taking these two classes, I felt like a virgin all over again! A yoga virgin, that is.

When I got home, I rolled my mat out and started practicing even more! I wasn't able to fall asleep until 1:00 because I was so excited... about yoga! I've been practicing for about 8 years, and I've definitely had my highs and lows. There are times when I feel really strong, an intense passion for my practice. Times when I dream about yoga, when I envision myself getting stronger with each breath and effortlessly floating in and out of challenging asanas. And there are also times when I feel discouraged, when I let myself get down. Sometimes I judge my own self for not being able to do certain poses, or get frustrated with my flaws (weak ankles, for one). The 'why can't I do that?' moments.

Over the past couple of days, I've found myself in this space where I'm experiencing both the highs and the lows of my yoga practice- at the same time. Tuesday evening something sparked inside of me, telling me exactly where I should be and what I should be doing. I decided to commit to taking a class (or two), in addition to my own classes that I teach, every single day for this next month. It seems like my mantra for the past month or so has been "push through and keep going". It's that time of year when the weather starts to change (cue the rainy season blues, and icky colds) and the holidays are quickly approaching, so what better time to commit to something so great?

This morning was my fourth class. Seven o'clock 'Breakfast of Champions' vinyasa. I didn't want to get out of bed, but since I teach very early classes three mornings a week I'm used to getting out of bed when I don't want to, and I know the feeling of just wanting to crawl back under the covers will pass. My mantra was repeating itself over and over in my head as I walked to class (perk of being a Portlander, we can walk everywhere!), and as I rolled my mat out on the lovely wood floor, the first thing I noticed was the beautiful view outside the window. Then I laid on my back and hugged my knees to my chest. I felt weak and I knew it. My arms are sore from countless chatturangas, my shoulders and upper back are sore from practicing astavakrasana (eight-angle pose) over and over, my legs are sore from warrior pose after warrior pose, and my core is sore from supporting my entire being throughout each practice! And on top of that, I am starting to feel like this cold I've been so valiantly fighting is rearing its ugly head again. As my mantra continues to play on in my head, another side of me shows up. The side that says, push through, but know when to take a break as well. During class I found myself getting annoyed with my body. Thanks to that ankle sprain I suffered a few weeks ago, childs pose (the place I'd normally come to rest) is uncomfortable. My arms felt like they were on fire every time I held plank and my hamstrings were screaming with every forward fold. I was upset with myself for having a weak practice. Eventually I surrendered to my needs and let myself rest. I came to my knees in plank, took childs pose with my toes tucked under instead of down dog, and even stayed there throughout a whole standing series. Of course I wish I'd felt better, but I'm realizing that while I had a weak physical practice this morning, mentally is was strong and rich with intention. I was there, and I was connected to my body and my breath. After class, the instructor told me he saw me taking care of myself and he was so glad that I did. It reminded me that when I am teaching, I too appreciate seeing students take breaks and honor their bodies, tailoring the practice to make it something that serves them in that moment.

I plan to keep you all posted on my month-long journey and hope that you will find some inspiration it it as well. I had the amazing opportunity to practice with Kathryn Budig back in the summer and she told me that I was exactly where I needed to be and was supposed to be in my practice, and I am here to say that SO ARE YOU! Whether you're just starting out, you're a seasoned practitioner or you're somewhere in the middle, you are right where you belong. Embrace it!

Remember that next week's schedule at 24 Hour Fitness is heavily modified, so if you plan on taking a class, check the schedule first!

Namaste,
Tami