"Drop to your knees and give thanks that you can stand." -Irish Prayer
Kathryn started class today with this quote. Seemed fitting, since we were about to be standing on everything
but our feet! The workshop was equal parts fun and hard work. Emphasis on the hard work!
We started out with handstand. First kicking, then from standing split, then bent-knee pike, then straight leg pike. Then transitioning from handstand to chaturanga- which with Kathryn's love and support
I did! She talks a lot about fear in this workshop, and learning to let go. So often we have everything we need to physically achieve a posture, but fear holds us back. Do I physically have the strength to successfully transition from handstand to chaturanga? Yes. Am I afraid that without Kathryn standing behind me I'm going to face plant? Yes. Anyone who watches someone practice these advanced postures and thinks they're easy is dead wrong. The threat of a face plant is very real, and even though you don't have very far to go, it's still going to hurt. Watching Kathryn demonstrate the transition, I thought I would be able to nail it. Once I started to practice it on my own, I became very afraid! "But my face- it's
so close to the ground!" After a few attempts, I sat in the middle of the room looking like a lost puppy. Kathryn looked over at me and all I could mutter was, "I'm scared." Last night, when talking about aiming true, she taught us that the only way to conquer fear is to move right through it. You can't get around it, you have to face it head on. So she stood behind me and had me come into a handstand. (Let me give you a little side note here. Kathryn describes this transition in a very funny way. The transition comes from your arms and upper body,
not from the legs. She says the legs are like the kid at the park who doesn't want to go home, and the arms are the mom who says, 'no, come on, we're going!') So as she's telling me to bend my arms and melt my chest, I get scared and drop out, immediately bringing my legs down the the ground. I tried again. Same thing happened. There are 60 other people in the room and right now I'm hogging all of her attention. I ask her if I can try one more time and after she reassures me that I can do this, and that she
will not let me face plant, she graciously says of course. I trusted her, much harder to do than it sounds being that I'm upside down and moving into unfamiliar territory, and I did it. She gave me a hard pat on the back when I landed and greeted me with a smile when I pulled through to up dog. I wanted to cry. She is amazing.
The realization that we can do anything we want is quite incredible. One of my favorite things about Kathryn is that she is so open about her journey. She told us today that in her teacher training, the class was instructed to kick into handstand at the wall. Everyone did it- except for her and one other person. Her teacher, Chuck Miller, came to her and assisted her into the pose. When she came out he said to her that she had everything that she physically needed to stand on her hands, but that she had to let go of the fear. I think that is
so powerful, and so true. It is not enough to watch someone else do the pose and want it. No matter how badly you want it, you will never get it if you don't practice regularly. You've got to learn to fall before you can fly. You have to learn to take a literal leap of faith- and on or off your mat, taking a leap of faith can be terrifying.
Okay, now that being said, that doesn't mean that any Tom Dick or Harry can hop into a handstand as long as they aren't afraid. You
do have to have that element of physical strength, and a deep sense of awareness and control of your body.
Getting back on track now, the yoga room was
hot. And when you have 60 people exerting all kinds of physical energy, it makes it that much hotter. For the past few days I've had this yucky sinus issue and have been feeling kind of sub par. After the two hour class last night, waking up at 6:00 this morning to teach a class of my own, and putting forth every last bit of effort within me, I was tired by the end. Wait, tired was an understatement. Exhausted is more like it. After about two hours, as much as I wanted to learn more and try everything, I was beginning to fade. When Kathryn asked
Krystyn if she still wanted to work on fallen angel, she said, "We can talk about it, but I am really tired! I hope I'm not the only one." She wasn't. In fact, I was glad that
I wasn't the only one!
Tomorrow is another three hour workshop for heart and hip openers, but tonight-
ahhh tonight! I will rest on my couch :)
